In order to be married at the Vision Baptist Church you will have to participate in 12 counseling sessions. Each session will be approximately one hour long. We pray that they will be of great blessing to you.
Preparations for your Wedding
Experience has taught us that the correct preparation and planning will help you to have a beautiful and successful wedding ceremony. Since it is our greatest desire that your wedding be a great success
1. Requirements to be married in the Vision Baptist Church with the participation of one of our pastors:
a. Both must professed to have accepted
b. Both must be members of the same church
c. We have no desire to participate in the wedding of someone who is not faithful to church
2. You will have to participate in several counseling sessions (approximately 12 sessions) with one of the pastoral staff about Biblical marriage. It is your responsibility to seek out the pastor and make the appointments and without these sessions we will not be able to participate in your wedding.
3. If you wish to use the facilities of the Vision Baptist Church and are a member then you will have to leave a deposit of $150 for the cleanup after the wedding. If you clean up the building yourself then your deposit will be returned to you. If you do not clean the building well then your deposit will be used to pay someone to clean up the building.
4. The pastoral staff of the Vision Baptist Church will not participate in a wedding where alcoholic beverages will be served even if the reception is held in another place.
5. The pastoral staff of the Vision Baptist Church will not participate if there will be dancing in the reception.
6. The following people should be present for the rehearsal: the bride, bridegroom, all the groomsmen, all the bridesmaids, ushers, mothers and grandmothers, those that will be singing, musicians, father of the bride, flower girl, etc. All those that will be participating and could affect the ceremony.
7. Scheduling the pastor, the building, the reception, etc is all your responsibility.
First Session
Questions and Organization
Give me your testimony of salvation.
Are you prepared economically for your wedding?
Do you have the permission and approval of your parents?
Why do you believe that it is God’s will for you to be married?
Where are you going to live?
Have you considered the differences between you and the way you have been raised that could cause problems in your marriage?
Explain how you think that you will be better able to serve God married than if you were single.
Explain exactly what you want me to do in your wedding.
Second Session
What is Love
Song of Solomon 8:7, I Corinthians 13:4-8
1. Suffereth long—or doesn’t lose its patience, doesn’t get angry easily, accept the other as he or she is
2. Kind—or good, recognizes the needs of others, seeks to help and better the other person
3. Envieth not – does not seek to control the other, is not exclusive, for example does not make your wife stay in the house
4. Vaunteth not itself—does not try to impress, does not always talk about his or her self
5. Is not puffed up—not just thinking of oneself, doesn’t think that he or she is so important, doesn’t think that every thing revolves around him or her self
6. Does not behave itself unseemly—doesn’t have bad manners, doesn’t do things that embarrass
7. Seeketh not her own—taking advantage, everything for me, sex, control
8. Not easily provoked—doesn’t take everything personally, doesn’t get upset easily
9. Thinketh no evil—doesn’t hold bitterness in his or her heart, doesn’t keep count of mistakes, doesn’t rehearse mistakes, destroys all evidence against the other
10. Rejoiceth not in iniquity—making comparisons with the sins of another so that you can feel good about yourself, saying things like everybody does it
11. Rejoiceth in the truth—Christian fellowship, content in what is good, concerned about your spiritual life
12. Beareth all things—no limit to your patience, can live with the errors of others, can feel for others
13. Believeth all things—trusts without limit, believes in the person and his or her value without question, never doubts the other’s integrity
14. Hopeth all things—peace and hope in God that He will accomplish the right
15. Endureth all things—will cross whatever obstacle, love even when the other doesn’t
Third Session
How to strengthen your marriage!
Ephesians 5:22-33
I. Responsibility
a. Husband
i. Be a spiritual leader Ephesians 5:23
ii. Teach Deuteronomy 6:7
iii. Pray I Peter 3:7
iv. Devotions Proverbs 8:17
b. Wife
i. Take care of your responsibilities in your home Titus 2:5
II. Gratefulness I Thessalonians 5:18
a. Husband
i. Pay attention to all that she does to please you
ii. Notice the small things
b. Wife
i. Have a spirit of gratefulness
III. First Place
a. Husband
i. Make her understand that she is number one with you, that she holds the first place in your life I Corinthians 7:32-35, Ephesians 5:25
ii. Have dates with her
iii. Help her with her work
iv. Talk to her heart to heart
v. Do not look like at other women
vi. Assure her that you will always be with her
b. Wife
i. Tell him how you admire him and why
IV. Respect
a. Husband
i. Never make comparisons with other women unless it is to tell her how she is better than others II Corinthians 10:12
b. Wife
i. Never speak of your marriage problems to others outside your home Ephesians 5:33
V. Forgiveness
a. Husband
i. Learn to ask forgiveness Colossians 3:13
b. Wife
i. Forget
ii. Do not mentions past failures
VI. Patience
a. Husband
i. Do not make quick changes without helping her to prepare I Peter 3:7
b. Wife
i. Be flexible about your priorities
VII. Decision making
a. Husband
i. Show her that you know how to discipline yourself Galatians 2:20
b. Wife
i. Show him that you trust him and his decisions
VIII. Discipline
a. Husband
i. Be consistent in the discipline of your children Ephesians 6:4
b. Wife
i. Teach your children to be loyal to their father
IX. Communication
a. Husband
i. Listen to your wife’s opinions, remember the story of Pilate
b. Wife
i. Tell him what you want in your marriage instead of complaining that he doesn’t understand
X. Leadership
a. Husband
i. Do not correct your wife public
ii. Do not embarrass her
b. Wife
i. Be submissive to his direction Ephesians 5:22
XI. Understanding
a. Husband
i. Honor her in public
b. Wife
i. Try to understand what he is trying to say to you
Fourth Session
Seven Concepts needed to have a Stable, Safe and Happy Home
Mark 10:6-9
I. The Manual II Timothy 3:15-17, Hebrews 4:12
a. The Bible is the manual, the rule book for marriage
b. Through it you learn to
i. Accept Christ as your personal Savior
ii. Get Baptized
iii. Have personal and family devotions
iv. Be active in your church
v. Seek to serve the Lord together
II. Permanence
a. Marriage is to be permanent, not to be broken Matthew 19:3-10, Luke 16:18, Romans 7:1-3
b. Fix your problems
c. Say no to divorce both literally and emotional, lovers, bitterness, etc.
III. 100%,
a. Marriage is not 50% of him and 50% of her, Ephesians 5:22-25, I Peter 3:1, I Corinthians 11:3
b. The only way to live this way is to be filled with the Holy Spirit Ephesians 5:18
c. And die to yourself Galatians 2:20
IV. Needs
a. Both have to recognize that there are needs that can only be satisfied “without guilt” in the marriage relationship
b. Ephesians 5:33, I Corinthians 7:1-5
V. Think about your partner
a. Make a commitment to meet the needs of your partner
b. Luke 6:38
c. Galatians 6:7-8
VI. Solution
a. You must fix your differences in the way that God wants you to do so
b. Matthew 5:31-32, 18:15
c. Ephesians 4:26, 32
d. I Peter 3:9
VII. Confidence
a. Marriage is built on confidence, faith and trust and nothing else
b. For your partner to trust you, you will have to trust him or her Ephesians 5:22, Proverbs 31:10-11
Fifth Session
The Family’s Finances
- Have only one purse or account for the family
- Share everything
- The Husband is responsible for the family’s finances
- Decide to serve God instead of money
- Begin tithing, giving and honoring God with all that you have
- Learn to live with what you have
- Choose to have a good name
- Learn to listen to the advice of your wife
The Purposes of God for Money
I. Provision
a. What is necessary Matthew 6:26-30, I Timothy 6:8
b. To depend on Him everyday Matthew 6:11
c. To make us love God more –like the Israelites in the wilderness
d. Develop a spirit of gratitude
e. To teach us to live with what we receive I Timothy 6:6
f. To enjoy what God gives us Hebrews 13:5
II. To confirm God’s direction for our lives Psalm 37:7
a. To give us faith and vision Hebrews 11:7
b. To see who is the Lord of our lives I Timothy 6:17
c. To protect us from bad or wrong things I Timothy 6:9
d. To teach us patience Romans 5:3, James 1:3-4
e. To cause us to concentrate on true riches Philippians 3:7-8
III. To give to other believers
a. The eye Proverbs 28:22, 22:9, Matthew 6:19-23, Romans 12:13
b. To unite us II Corinthians 8:14
c. To show the mark of a true believer Titus 2:14, II Corinthians 9:8
d. To cause praise II Corinthians 9:11
e. To multiply our potential II Corinthians 9:6
IV. To illustrate the power of God Malachi 3:10
a. To cause believers to trust in Him I Kings 18:21-40
b. To mock the god of this world—money
c. To purify our lives and motives
d. To bring unbelievers to God Acts 5:12-14
e. To glorify God Psalm 50:15
Sixth Session
Expressing Love in Marriage
I. We have not had good examples
II. We have wrong opinions about what love is
1. romantic love instead of Biblical love
2. sexual relations
3. giving love to get something I Corinthians 13:5
III. We are carnal or selfish Galatians 2:20
- Ways to express love towards your wife
I. Honor and esteem her greatly Romans 12:10, Matthew 6:21b
II. Sacrifice your time to talk to her and do things together instead of with your friends Ephesians 5:25
III. Develop a friendship with her more than with any other person
IV. Take her desires, preferences, and wants seriously and try to satisfy or meet them
V. Talk to her
VI. Listen to her attentively Matthew 7:12
VII. Treat her with courtesy
VIII. Treat her like you did when you were dating her
IX. Thank her and praise her Proverbs 31:18
- Ways to express love to your husband
I. Respect and honor him Ephesians 5:33
1. do not contradict his instructions or orders or argue with him
2. Do not criticize him when in fails in something
3. Do not mock him or laugh at him
4. Encourage and comfort him when he feels discouraged and defeated
5. Never make him look bad in front of others
II. Accept him like he is I Peter 4:8
III. Do not complain I Corinthians 13:7
IV. Avoid conflicts over money
V. Give him special attention Romans 12:10
1. Smile when he arrives
2. prepare his food with care, cleanliness, good seasoning and much love
3. Take special care of him when he is sick
4. Make positive comments about him when you are in public
VI. Make yourself attractive for him
Seventh Session
Dangers in Marriage
Ephesians 5:22-33
I. A lack of gratitude I Thessalonians 5:18 --we forget what we have
II. A lack of communication Hosea 2:14-15
a. Spend time together
b. Have dates
c. Talk about sweet nothings
III. Failing to forgive and fix our problems every day Ephesians 4:32, 26-27
a. Do not hold on to bitterness
b. Do not seek revenge
IV. Failing to separate yourself from the family Genesis 2:24
a. Do not talk bad about your in-laws
b. Do not take your family problems to others outside your home
c. Young people should prepare themselves for marriage and not wait until the last minute
V. Failing to fulfill your role and responsibilities of the position that God has given you
a. Husband you are to love, provide, be a spiritual leader, family devotions etc.
b. Wife you are to submit yourself
VI. Failure to take care of your spiritual life Romans 12:1-2
a. Personal Bible reading and devotional time
b. Considering the world and where God wants you to serve
VII. Failure to work at becoming one, sticking to each other, joining together, coming together as man and wife Genesis 2:24
VIII. Having your priorities out of order
a. Your spouse or partner always comes first
b. Your parents and children come further down the chain
c. Young people get married correctly, with the approval of your parents and with only believers
d. Understand what marriage is before you get married
IX. Another failure is to begin making comparison--Mentioning the name of others
X. Destroying the confidence and faith of your partner
a. Not working like you should in your position
b. Sin
c. A lack of dedication and diligence in your marriage on your part
Eighth Session
The Marriage Vows
Entrance of pastors
Daddy’s girl
Giving away the bride
Charge and prayer of dedication by Steve Grubbs
Seekers of your heart
Exchange the vows
David and Katie having come to us to be married and believing your testimony that marriage is the will of God for your lives I would like to ask you to turn, hold hands, and look each other in the eye and share your vows.
David repeat after me
Katie I am fully committed to love you
as Christ loved the church
and gave Himself for her
I commit myself to be your spiritual leader
and to seek first the Kingdom and Will of our God
I promise to comfort you,
honor and keep you in joy and sorrow
in sickness or health
whether rich or poor.
I promise to dedicate all of my conjugal love
to you and only to you.
I promise to sustain you and to care for you
as Christ does the church.
I give you all that I have and all that I ever will have.
I give you all that I am or ever will be.
I promise to respect you with tenderness and respect
as long as we both shall live.
I take you as my one and only wedded wife
for all the time that God grants us life
Katie repeat after me
David I am fully committed to love you
I promise to love and comfort you
honor and keep you in joy and sorrow
in sickness and health
whether rich or poor
I promise to dedicate all of my conjugal love
to you and only to you.
I promise to submit myself to you
as is pleasing unto the Lord.
Do not ask me to leave you
or to return from following after you
because wherever you go I will go
and wherever you live I will live
Your family will be my family
your God my God.
Where you die I will die and there will I be buried.
The Lord do so to me and more also
if anything but death such separate you and me.
These rings are a circle, a symbol of the never ending love that you have promised to each other. Let me remind you both that the love only endures as you grow together in Christ’s love and seek to honor and serve Him. Take it and place it on Katie’s finger and repeat after me
Katie I give you this ring to wear as a sign of my promise to love and grow with you and with it I give you all that I am and all that I have. I honor you today before God and these witnesses.
David I give you this ring to wear as a sign of my promise to love and grow with you and with it I give you all that I am and all that I have. I honor you today before God and these witnesses.
When God made you
Now David and Katie as you both have declared that you love each other and have faith in each other and have now given your vows to be husband and wife by the giving of your hands and rings. I by the authority and privilege that God has given me as a gospel minister do declare you husband and wife in the presence of God and these witnesses. I sincerely desire that God will make you both very happy
You may now kiss your bride
I privileged to be the first to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. David Gardner
Recessional
Ninth Session
Hebrews 13:4
I. Marriage is God’s plan Genesis 2:18-25
II. The Marriage problem
a. Ignorance
b. Rebellion
c. I—thinking only about yourself
d. Divorce
III. The Biblical pattern for marriage (our example) Ephesians 5:21-33
a. The Husband
i. Love like Christ loved the church
1. He gave His life as a sacrifice or an act of love John 10:17-18
2. He loved first I John 4:19
3. He forgave even when they were treating him badly Colossians 3:13, Hebrews 12:13-15
4. He is loyal to the end Matthew 28:20
5. He gives us an example and direction in our live
6. He is our savior and saved us by His grace Ephesians 2:8-9
7. He promises to build us Matthew 16:18
8. He does everything to better us and to glorify us Ephesians 5:26-27
9. He gives Himself totally
ii. We are to love like we love our own body
1. Nourishing and cherishing it 5:29 I Timothy 5:8
2. We are not to be bitter or rough with them Colossians 3:19
3. Our goal is to please her I Corinthians 7:33
iii. We are to live with her wisely I Peter 3:7
b. Wife
i. Love your husband Titus 2:4
ii. Respect your husband 5:33
iii. Please your husband I Corinthians 7:34
iv. Submit yourself to him like unto the Lord
1. In everything as it is fit Colossians 3:18, I Peter 3:1-7
2. Worry more about your inner person than your exterior appearance I Peter 3:4
Tenth Session
Let God build your house
Psalm 127:1-5
I. Salvation--Be sure that you are saved II Corinthians 13:5
II. Service
a. Recognize that you need God Matthew 6:33
b. Be careful to maintain your devotions, prayer, church attendance, and giving Proverbs 16:7, 21:1
III. Surrender
a. Dying to your desires and to your sins
b. Galatians 2:20, Romans 6, Philippians 2:3-5
IV. Separation
a. Leaving your family and friends to cling to your wife
b. Genesis 2:23-24
V. Sacrificing yourself
a. Giving up your personal rights
b. Genesis 22:1-10
VI. The Decision you must make I Peter 3:8-12
VII. The choice that you must make
a. To obey God
b. To love your partner
c. To forgive
Eleventh Session
Instructions for Marriage
I Peter 3:1-12
I. A submissive wife 1-6
II. A wise husband 7
III. The same mind 8
a. Think the same thing
b. Have the same goals
c. The same mind
d. The same motives
e. The same desires
IV. Compassionate
a. To hurt or suffer with
b. To want to help
c. To be tender
d. To be affected by
e. To share the same feelings Romans 12:15
V. Brother love 8
a. To be friends
b. To enjoy each others company
c. To find pleasure in their person and presence
d. To delight yourself in the other person
e. To enjoy the other person
VI. Merciful
a. Kind
b. Relieve for those that are suffering
c. Power and desire to forgive
d. Better than could ever be expected
e. Patient
f. Not desiring revenge
VII. Friendly 8
a. Desiring peace
b. Helping
c. Showing favor
d. Good will
e. Giving
f. Good manners
g. Being considerate
h. Respectful
VIII. blessing instead of cursing 9, Romans 12:21
IX. Holding your tongue 10
X. Seeking peace 11
Twelfth Session
I Corinthians 7:1-5
I. It World be better to stay single 7:1
a. Better not to touch I Corinthians 6:18
b. To not have a partner 29
c. So that you will take care of the things of the Lord 32
d. Make a covenant with your eyes Job 31:1, Matthew 5:28
II. Marriage is to satisfy your needs with sin or quilt 7:2, 9
a. Proverbs 6:24-29
b. Lets look at the correct way to get a mate I Thessalonians 4:1-8
c. Sex outside of marriage is sin
d. living together without being married is sin
III. Render due benevolence 7:3
a. Sex in marriage is not a sin but rather a duty--due
b. It should be considered much more than a duty Proverbs 5:15-23
c. God punishes the sin of sex outside of marriage
IV. Not your body 7:4
a. We can not decide to give or not give our love nor our body
b. The Christian attitude and teaching is that your spouse has power and ownership of your body
V. Defraud not or do not deny your partner their due benevolence 7:5
VI. When, how, and for how long can you deny each other 7:5
VII. Why you are not to deny each other 7:5
