CABIN CREW SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENTS
Posted by wagardner - 20/03/08 at 10:03:11 amAll too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-light “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, he pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s
something we’d like to have.”
“Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over
your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more
than one small child, pick your favorite.”
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”
“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with
our compliments.
“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That
was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault,
it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault .it was the asphalt.”
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:”We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying our airline.” He
said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a
question?” “Why, no, Ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land, or were we shot down?”
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing
and if you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.”
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